Before Bear

Bubby and me.
Me and Bubby.

Just us two....

In the almost 3 years this little person has been in the world, we have grown very close. Duh, right? He's your kid, I think that goes without saying!

Well, no. It doesn't. When Bubby was born, I was thrown into a world I knew nothing about. And wasn't convinced I wanted to. I still wanted what I had before...time to myself, sleeping through the night, going out on the...what are those things called again?...oh ya...weekends! I wanted my life to stay the same, only now I had a baby.

And I fought and I fought the change with everything I had.

Needless to say, I ended up feeling pretty sad, pretty resentful and just tired.

When I finally accepted that my life had indeed changed and that the change was not the end of something but the beginning, I began to see Bubby in a whole new light. I began to enjoy being a Mom and stopped resenting the sacrifices I had to make. Because in the end they were all worth it. Yes, it was hard and exhausting and sometimes honestly...just complete bullshit! (Seriously, after being up half the night, I am expected to get up and function today, I don't think so...oh and what's that? It goes on for months? Greaaat.)

Yes, even though it was sometimes the worst....it was the absolute best. And day by day my outlook changed and I fell in love with my son. Madly in love.

Bubby was strong, independent and loyal. And he had my heart.

So when we decided to have another child, I was secretly skeptical that I could feel as much for this new baby as I did for Bubby. In the dark corners of my mind I thought to myself I was having this baby because I wanted Bubby to have a sibling, not to grow up as an only child, and on his own. Not necessarily because I wanted another child.

I had Bubby, what more did I need?

Besides, newborns are nothing but trouble. Inconsolable crying, waking up 80 times a night, so fragile you are sure they are gonna break. What sane person would wanna do that again without a good reason? So, in my head, Bubby was that reason. For him, I would do it all again.

December 17th, 2016, a little after midnight, Bear was born.

Bear was three weeks early and snuck up on me. I was feeling yucky, went in for a check-up and was told I was 5 cm dilated and having a baby tonight!

As soon as he was in my arms, I knew I was in trouble. I was not prepared for his birth that night and even less prepared for the love I would feel for this tiny little boy. Bear wrecked me.

So turns out, I was wrong, the huge love I had for Bubby, didn't keep me from loving this new addition, I was out of my mind in love from the moment I saw him. Bubby taught me how to love big, so when Bear came along, it was easy for me and not quite so scary to let the overwhelming feelings of love, responsibility and joy course through me.

In the months that have followed that surprise delivery, I have gotten to know a Bear that is sweet, sensitive, smiley and loves his mama something fierce. It is amazing. 

But even more amazing is that Bubby shares this love. There was not a moment of jealousy, not an ounce of anger for this outrageous usurping. Bubby's only concern is that Bear is taken care of. He is the big brother dreams are made of, and "his Bear" has no idea how lucky he is.

I consider it a privilege and feel extremely fortunate these two little boys are in my life. Getting to watch them grow up together is going to be thrilling. I am very happy to share it with you and document it for the ages. Maybe they will read it when they are older and fondly remember what a dork mom was, or maybe they'll never lay eyes on these words written by a smitten mama for her little boys.

Either way...welcome to the story of Bubby & Bear, I hope you enjoy it.